I was the Sun

I used to think that if I was beautiful

Then perhaps I could be here

That if I was successful

And if I never failed at life

Then I had the permission to live

That if I was loved and desired

Then perhaps I was worthy of it

That if I was intellectually superior

No one could usurp me

Make me feel small

Smaller than I’d like to be

I used to think, that I was the sun

That every disturbance in the galaxy

Had something to do with me

Copernicus tried to tell me the truth

And I didn’t like it

So I didn’t listen

But today I have known

Raging envy and shame

A failure that kills

The mightiest of flame

I have felt fear, like it was my end

And I have felt love,

try to leave me behind

If I were the sun, where was my light?

Why did my fire forget to ignite?

Why did I feel, like I couldn’t nourish

The sweetest of souls, that I came to cherish

If I were the sun, I’d be a light

Blinding the darkest corners of my mind

If I were the sun, I wouldn’t ask

Was I beautiful?

Or was I smart?

I wouldn’t ask, if I deserved love

Or if I had the permission to shine

But I am just a girl 💅

Who fancied herself the sun

When I was just roasting

In the fires of hell

Today I have known

That I am not Her

That I am no longer made of stardust

But I am earth, fire, and water and air

Breathing in life and breathing out glimmers

I know I am here, and that I am small

I am infinitely many, yet none at all

I used to wonder if I really mattered

Would the world stop, if I didn’t rise?

All those times, I thought I could die

All I really wanted was a pretty shrine

Today I have known

that I couldn’t stop living, even if I tried

For my dead body would still nourish life ~